So, my lifelong best friend (LLBF) is married to a gamer dude. He plays War of Worldcraft and stuff. A slope-shouldered, sunken-chested gamer dude, who has a “hot date” every Saturday night at 11pm with his gamer buddies from wherever to play Woo of WorldCraft. So pretty much every Saturday night LLBF finds herself at home by 11p, if not earlier, hanging out doing her own thing, while her husband sits in front of the computer and pretends to be an elf or a wizard or something.
Of course, they live in a small town where there isn’t much to do at 11p on Saturday, anyway. Unless you like hanging out in windowless bars surrounded by alkies drinking $3 Miller. (In DC the bars have windows and the martinis are at least $15.) Last show at the movie theater usually starts in the 9 o’clock hour. And these days, they have a baby, which tends to put you at home long before 11p pretty much every night.
Which gets to my point. LLBF and husband had been together for a long time before they became parents. A lot of women, both before and after babies, spend a fair amount of time locked in battle with their Man about what the weekend agenda is, is he going to take you out, spend time with the family, or hang with his buddies, and if he’s not with her where is he, etc. You’ll notice that I did not say LLBF doesn’t get taken out, just that she’s home by 11p on Saturday night. And after 11p on Saturday, she knows exactly where Hubby is and who he is with and what he is doing. He’s sitting in the computer room pretending to be a Viking on World of Woocraft. She never gets 3am calls that he needs a pick up from the police station for DUI, never deals with txts or calls from someone he met when he was out with his buddies, never has to wonder if this is the night he doesn’t come home for whatever reason. He also has plenty of friends, an advanced degree, and has been gainfully employed for pretty much his whole adult life. And the gamer buddies are all over the World, so maybe one day she will get a trip to Japan or such. And the chest isn’t really that sunken and the shoulders aren’t really than sloped, but I’ve known him, for years, too–and if you can’t take the piss out of your long time friends, then who can you?
I guess to some women a situation like this lacks “spontaneity” and “anticipation” and “excitement.” It also lacks “cheating” and “drama” and “arguments.” I’ll accept that I’m a weirdo, but I still think the best pickup line I ever heard was “I own a washer-dryer.” Think about it. He invites you over to do laundry, you get to talk, and hang out and get to know each other, you don’t have to fish around for a million quarters, and if you’re not interested, you have the perfect out to make an exit—gotta get my stuff home! And guys, you don’t have to spend any money—ya’ll seem to be into that!
I suppose that some people—idealistic yes, young, maybe—have an idea of what might be. Which is fine, no reason to let go of dreams. Most of us are born, live, and die in the Middle, though—if we are lucky—and will never be Princess Grace or Duchess Kate or a more accessible version of same.
So, one person’s “boring” is someone else’s “stable.” Another person’s “exciting” is someone else’s “drama.” I guess it is all just a matter of your point of view.