Perhaps you remember the “You Might Be a . . . .” craze from the 80s or 90s or something, a meme kicked off by a guy named Jeff Foxworthy and his “You Might Be a Redneck” jokes.
Time passes and the World changes. The meme remains, and remains relevant. There seems to be yet another feminist revivial, following the 90s feminist revival, following the 60-70s feminist revivial, following the early 40s feminist revival . . . .
What has amazed me most of my adult life is how feminism is undermined by the actions of women. Large groups of women who really don’t care about independence or taking care of themselves at all. Trust me, Girls, there are risks. (See: Mrs. McDonnell. 😉 )
So, how do we know if we walk the straight and narrow, perhaps in our own way—avant garde or traditional, or if we descend into self-destructive, anti-feminist, man pandering behaviors? See below.
You might be a Hoochie if . . . .
Your favorite outfits require a fresh Brazilian wax.
You dye your hair blonde and lie about it.
You’ve sexed into a social scene.
You dumbed down your education so boys would like you more.
You’ve gotten another woman drunk so some guy could sleep with her.
You’ve slept with someone else’s boyfriend.
You’ve cheated on a boyfriend/husband.
You think it is the responsibility of men to take care of you your whole life.
You put on a full facial to go to the drug store, grocery or gas station.
You’ve started “slut”/ pregnancy/ lesbian rumors about another woman for any reason (you don’t like her, she outdid you on something, you like the same guy, the guy you like likes her), online or otherwise.
You put your manicure before your community.
You had elective plastic surgery before the age of 22.
You encouraged your own daughter to have elective plastic surgery before the age of 22.
You tell other women they would look a lot better if they would just wear more makeup and get “work” done.
You think having a guy’s baby means you never have to cook another meal or ever do housework again.
You ridicule people for having hobbies, interests or reading.
You’ve slept with a guy just because it was his birthday, or you think that cute guys owe you sex on your birthday.
You’ve had sex (any kind) in the bathroom of a bar or a party.
You’ve flashed your ta-tas or junk.
You made a public sex tape or posted nude or semi-nude pics online.
Doctor, Lawyer, I-Banker.
You’ve pushed another woman into a relationship with a guy because you wanted to laugh at her.
You had a caesarian because you were more concerned about getting fat than having a healthy child.
You made fun of someone else for having a job.
You made fun of someone else for not having a job.
Well, Hoochies, the truth hurts. For a reason. Time to wash your face, wash your hair, wash your hands. The World is in need of Grown Ups. Give it a try, you might actually like it.
Over and Out. 😉